“HELP, MY WIFE CLAMS UP ABOUT CUNNILINGUS!”

Returning once again to unleash the fire hydrant of knowledge on all your burning sexual questions, it’s Woowoo’s resident ‘Shagony Aunt’, sex expert Alix Fox, of Netflix’s Sex Education and BBC Radio 1’s Unexpected Fluids and E4’s The Sex Clinic and The Modern Mann. She’s your trusted source for info on sauce! 

WHAT’S THE THROB-LEM THIS TIME AROUND? 

“I love giving my wife oral sex, and when she receives it she seems to enjoy it and orgasms more than once. However, I rarely get to go down, as she’s very body conscious and worried about her smell, when she last had a shower, etc. Do you have any ideas how I can reassure her so I can give her oral more often?”

SHAGONY AUNT ALIX SAYS:

OK, let me make some suggestions on how you might make her feel more comfortable about putting her cunny where your mouth is! 

TIP 1: GET IN A LATHER TOGETHER

When you’re up for going down, make a shared shower or bath part of your foreplay, so that she can feel confident that she’s fresh. Please note that the vagina is a self-cleaning wonder – you should never douche or try to wash the inside of the vaginal passage at all, as that can upset the body’s natural balance and actually cause infections that might legitimately give rise to an unpleasant smell.  You should only ever cleanse the outside of the foof, officially know as the vulva, either using plain water or, if you personally feel you need to use a washing product after getting extra sweaty at the gym, for example, or to remove silicone lube residue, or dried period blood, make sure you use something gentle and pH balanced like Woowoo gels or foams. Do not let harsh soaps anyway near your gash, folks. 

TIP 2: IF THERE’S GENUINELY AN UNPLEASANT SMELL, YOUR WIFE SHOULD CHECK SHE’S WELL 

It’s totally normal for vaginas to have their own musky, friskily feral scent, but a healthy coochie normally smells pretty sexy. I think you’d have mentioned if your wife’s genuinely smelled bad – but infections and imbalances like bacterial vaginosis and thrush can cause fishy or yeasty odours, so if she does have genuine cause for concern, she should nip to her GP. 

However, I suspect her self-consciousness is largely in her head, after a lifetime of stigmatising society telling her that pussies are nasty, stinky, embarrassing and shameful, so…

TIP 3: ENTHUSE ABOUT HER COOZE!

…tell her how much what she’s got going on turns you on. Tell her you love her scent, her taste, the way she looks. She’s had years of negative messages about her body – so now it’s time to give her some positive ones. 

Make sure she knows you’re not going down on her as a kind favour – it’s something you savour. Don’t be shy, my guy. Build her up, buddy. You’re doing the lord’s work. 

TIP 4: COVER HER EYES WHILE YOU’RE BETWEEN HER THIGHS

A blindfold might help her feel less self-conscious. If she’s not staring right at you while you’re nose to rose with her fabulous folds, she might find it easier to lose herself in the feeling rather than the fretting.

TIP 5: ASK HOW SHE LIKES TO BE LICKED

While you’re down there, rather than assuming you know best and you’ve – ahem – got this oral thing licked, ask her what she’d like best. Does she want you to go softer? Slower? Does she like her clit sucked or is that too intense for her? I know you’re telling me that you make her come multiple times, but it’s worth checking in on her preferences just in case, because let me tell you it is not rare for a woman to say “Ohhh, I don’t want to do X because the problem is me” in order to avoid saying “Actually I don’t like this because the problem is you, but I’ve been conditioned by society for decades to avoid hurting men’s egos”. 

Of course, no means no – if she really doesn’t want oral, your job is to say “alright, no sweat, pet”. Pushing and pressuring someone into something sexual is never, ever going to make them feel more confident about it. 

However, I do hope that through constructive conversation, confidence building and these few conjuring tricks I’ve suggested, you reach a stage where you are both loving that cunning cunnilingus. 


Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published